...

Well... I haven't been around, obviously, but I am still alive.  I returned to work yesterday...originally I wasn't going to return until the 22nd, but I figured nothing else was going to change.  Physcially I am "normal."  I even started my period on the 7th. 

I've been OK, for the most part.  I guess as OK as anyone can be.  I stopped crying for a while... I think more so because I was bitter/angry.  I stopped looking at the pictures every night , I stopped looking at baby stuff, I stopped expecting something to change, until last night.  I think I kind of realized, for a brief second, that this is the reality of everything that happened.  Laying in bed, by myself, thinking "I really am here, alone."  Yes, I have my family and friends, but at the end of the night, I go to sleep by myself, without being pregnant, without my baby. It is just so weird... I have moments of realizing that this is how it is...and moments of thinking I can't believe this is really how things are. 

Last night I looked at the pictures.  I always have her beautiful face in my mind, and I always remember the 1st time I saw her... and looking at the pictures I see everything...so real and so perfect.  Ten fingers...ten toes...eyelashes...hair...the cutest pouty lips with the cutest little nose...long legs...finger nails...toe nails...everything. 

Today I felt a baby move.  Yesterday I heard an infant cry.  It's all so weird.